Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts

These are the contestants in season 8 of the Biggest Loser on NBC.  Over the past year I have become fascinated with this show for a lot of reasons. 

Most of my life I have struggled with my weight, but a year ago my wife and I began working together to lose weight and start living a healthier lifestyle.  Watching these contestants strive week after week last year helped inspire us to make better choices for ourselves.  I would recommend tuning in to watch this season.

This is now a community that shares its common struggle together.  The choices that they have been making in life have produced an unhealthy and debilitating way to live.  Each one has a unique story that brings tears to your eyes.  Most of us have compassion for people when all they want is a good life with family and friends and to have a life that means something in this world.

During the season premier, in the very first challenge, Tracey had fallen and could not finish the 1 mile that she was asked to run.  She attempted to crawl to the finish after falling but could not draw on the strength to move herself forward.  When everyone else realized that she was not going to finish, most of the other contestants went out to help her.  One of the contestants remarked about how devastated she would be if she could not finish.

This is a compelling portrait of how we should exist in community with one another.  Wouldn’t it be great to know that you were surrounded by people that would help you up when you had fallen?  Wouldn’t it be great to know that the people around you would care about your emotional stability?  Wouldn’t it be great to know that the people around you were motivated to see you finish the things that you had started?

Wouldn’t it be great if we as a community of people would take ownership of one another’s well being?  These are the friendships that I am interested in forming.  I want to live life with people that have my best interest at heart and willing to get involved to push me to do the things in life that will make me a better person and allow me to live a better life.

Who do you have in your life like that now?  If the answer is no one, then I would begin searching for someone to fill that void.  We all need these types of persons around us.  This life that we have to live is too short and too difficult to live alone.  It is too easy to be distracted and too easy to fall into poor choices.  If you desire to have those kinds of persons in your life then look today and ask who you can give yourself to in that fashion.  Don’t wait for someone to come to you.

 

We need to surround ourselves with people that will take ownership in our lives and our well being. 

I read an article by H.B. London Jr., who serves as the Vice-President of Pastoral Ministries at Focus on the Family that was entitled Maintaining Positive Staff Relations. The article majored on three key points that I think are universally beneficial in all relationships not just those working together as a church staff.  I am certain that he would agree.  Therefore, I want to give you my thoughts on these 3 keys to healthy relationships.

Communication
One of the fastest ways to create a distant feeling in any relationship is to eliminate communication.  Communication is the aspect of a relationship that allows us to know one another and to be concerned about what is going on in each other’s lives.  It helps us to know what things are going on around us that effect us, how we feel about those things, and affords us the opportunity to show concern and compassion.  Who knows, we might even be able to offer a helping hand.

In addition to creating an emotional connection it helps us to be informed about what is going on.  Decisions can be made together, plans can be discussed, issues can be dealt with, etc… Tension only increases when individuals and groups do not have the opportunity to discuss the things that are important to them.

Expectation
Disagreements and disappointment occur in any relationship when there are unmet expectations.  This is the key elements to discuss in any relationship when there is time for communication.  Whether it is a dating relationship, marriage, co-workers, or a sports team, everyone needs to know what is expected of them so that they can decide for themselves whether or not this is a healthy relationship for them to be in.  If expectations are not clearly communicated there can be no realistic way to evaluate another’s intentions or performance.  Any two people will see things differently, and the more people you add to the equation the more complex it becomes.  So the more people that are involved the more critical it becomes to have clearly communicated expectations.

Loyalty
Any relationship is concreted by the willingness of the participants to seek one another’s best interest over the long haul.  Loyalty is not about staying even if you don’t want to.  It is centered around thinking highly of someone and communicating that to them and others by what we say and do.  If we publicly or privately criticize those that we are supposed to be in relationship with our loyalty to that relationship is in jeopardy and we need to get to the root of the issue through some much needed communication.

 

Good relationships are critical to our having a meaningful and satisfying life.  I hope this helps you put some things in perspective for you.

Abigail and her Daddy had been in the habit of spending some Fridays together. Friday was her Father’s day off so he kept her out of preschool and they would spend the whole day together. Abigail began to call these days “Kiddo Days.” Her Dad would often say to her, “It’s just you and me Kiddo,” as they would begin each of these adventurous days. Over time “Kiddo Days” became a natural way for her to express her anticipation for these times together.

Lunch was always on the menu for Kiddo Days, and on this particular day, Abigail expressed her desire to eat at a certain restaurant. Her Dad wasn’t real crazy about going to eat there so he tried to give her a few other options to choose from with no success. It seemed that little Abigail was insistent upon eating at this particular restaurant and it didn’t take long for her to become exasperated with the conversation.

She finally stopped and said, “Daddy, if you want Kiddo Days to be any fun I have to have some input too.”

That story always hits me like a ton of bricks. It seems very easy for me to interactive with the world around me and expect everything and everyone to be on my schedule and in agreement with my preferences. Well as easy as it is for me to begin a day with those expectations, it is equally as foolish. Especially if I want others to enjoy spending time with me.

Where can you make concessions today and allow others to have some input into the time you are spending with them?

Allowing them to have an equal say will increase the chance of a good experience for everyone.

I read this quote on a sign the other day, “To make a long story short, don’t tell it.”

I guess the sign did what it was supposed to because I began to think about all of the things that I wish I had never said.  Like the time when my wife asked me how her homemade macaroni tasted and I said, “It doesn’t taste much different than what comes in the box.”

Now the sign was probably referring to those times when we are about to engage in some type of gossip and share details about someone else’s life that are none of our business.  In either case, it reminds me that we should always consider our words carefully.  Sometimes we say things that hurt others because we don’t take time to think about what we are saying and other times we hurt someone by sharing things that we had no business repeating.

Can you remember something that you said that you wish you had taken more time to think about before you said it?

How about not letting today be one of those days!

My son has been playing the game Kingdom Hearts for PS2 lately. He got it for Christmas and has taken quite some time to actually pour himself into it. Well like any new activity there is a learning curve. There are things that he finds easier to accomplish than others and there are things that at first seem almost impossible to overcome.
This morning he must have been dealing with one of the more difficult tasks. He walked up and asked if I could help him with the game and then he began to describe the difficulty he was having. As he concluded his remarks he said, “That’s why I need your help, you are usually good at stuff like that.”
As I listened to my son talk I only got confused as he was trying to describe his plight with the game. However, when he told me that he needed my help and gave the impression that I had a strength he could utilize I felt like Superman. Now, you must know that I am not a gamer. Until we purchased our first game console for our children a couple of years ago I had not played video games since I was a child. I wasn’t even sure I could help him, but his words made me feel like a champion.
That leads me to ask you…
What admirable qualities and strengths do you recognize in others?
When you recognize those qualities in someone today why not brag on them. Let them and others know what you see that is so great. If you do this, you will have less time to point out their faults and in the long run you will probably find yourself with more friends and less enemies.

I had the opportunity last night to attend the West Virginia State Camp Meeting of the Church of God at the Rippling Waters Campground in Romance, West Virginia. Some would argue that the camp meeting atmosphere is equivalent to the audio cassette. It is still used by some but not an attractive medium to the population at large. Since I am always looking for ways to expose myself to different environments and good preaching I gave little attention to this consideration.
Dr. David Sebastian talked about the difficulties of communication and the all to frequent tendency of church members to “prepare for war” with one another based upon rumors and hearsay without ever having talked face to face. I would add that this is a far too frequent occurrence for friends, neighbors, and co-workers as well.
As Dr. Sebastian concluded his message he shared this quote (I missed the individual that it was accredited to):
“The church is not served well by unloving critics nor uncritical lovers.”
May I ask you how often you are critical of your church, job, or family without a loving heart as your motivation? Before you answer too quickly, an attitude of love would be marked by you desire to do a good job, concern for the people around you, your willingness to work hard, a measure of sacrifice, and a motivation to want what is best for the group and not yourself (as well as many other qualities). Maybe next time you could offer solutions to a problem rather than pointing out what is wrong. And then offer to see the solutions through.
May I ask you another question? When was the last time you felt that something needed to be addressed within your family, church, or place of employment but you just kept quiet. Perhaps it was fear that kept you from having that difficult conversation. Refusal to have the conversations that challenge everyone to do what is right is equally as wrong as just standing on the outskirts and complaining about what is wrong without sharing a part of the load to be carried.
Where can you improve?

This week I am beginning my recovery from three weeks of summer camp in which case I have joked and said that it will take me three months to recover. As I am typing my mind fades off into some far away place and then I snap back into reality. It feels like I have been up for months. On top of that, I have a huge amount of work that has gone undone. Thanks to modern technology however, I was able to keep up with some work via my BlackBerry.

 So… I am tired beyond measure, behind on my work, and I missed my wife’s birthday. Seems bleak huh. Well, before you get out the tissues I want to say that I would do it all over again. Below is a list of the top 10 reasons why:

1.   My son was with me all three weeks and he told me it was the best summer he has ever had. 
2. The separation helped me appreciate how much I love my wife.
3. Living in community with kids and teenagers is more genuine because there was less pretense than there would have been if I was with just adults for the same three week period. The children and teenagers are always more open and honest about their lives.
4. Two of my students expressed a call into full time ministry.
5. It is rewarding for me to invest my life into the next generation.
6. It gave me time to think while being free from the distractions of every day life.
7. I was able to refresh friendships with other youth workers that I only see three or four times a year.
8. I was able to develop new friendships with students and adults from around the state. 
9. Rippling Waters Campground is one of the most beautiful and relaxing places for me. And it holds many special memories from years past.
10. Dodgeball and Sharks & Minnows (you can review some of my more recent posts for a better understanding of these two).

Let me know what you have invested yourselves in this summer and what you have gained from the experience.

I arrived at the pool during free time on Thursday to be met with cheers of, "Larry's here, Larry's here." My friend Tom turned to me and said, "Man, you're a legend" as we walked along the sidewalk together. Wow! What a feeling.

We all want any group of people to make us feel welcome because it is no fun feeling like an outsider. When we are accepted we feel great.our defenses are down, we feel comfortable, and we feel like we can be ourselves. But I must admit that being welcome doesn't hold a candle to showing up somewhere and being met with cheers of joy. To know that there is a group of individuals that is excited that you have shown up and even had been hoping that you would is an overwhelming feeling. (It brings tears to my eyes as I type these words.)

If you will indulge me just a moment maybe you can appreciate the context of what I felt as I showed up...

There are a few of us at summer camp that have ventured into the water year after year to play the game Sharks & Minnows with the students during free time. The game begins by designating one person to be the shark and by default all of the other players become minnows. All minnows go to one side of the pool and the shark goes to the middle. When the shark yells go, all minnows must brave the treacherous water and try and make it the length of the pool without being dunked by the shark. Each minnow that is dunked becomes a shark and all surviving minnows attempt another round and this is continued until there are no more minnows. The last minnow surviving becomes the shark and a new game is started.

It seems simple and somewhat trivial to be writing about a game played in the pool but the students crave this time of interaction with several of the counselors. i don't know why they are individually excited about this water game, but I imagine that we are meeting some need in their lives by making ourselves available to have our arms, legs, and necks twisted up like pretzels.  As we each show up one by one and are greeted with cheers and excitement it warms our hearts in a way that is truly unexplainable. All I know is that I would rather be nowhere else.

It is a great feeling to be celebrated for sure. If you are like me, I know that you would rather be celebrated rather than tolerated. So I leave you with these two questions:

1) What reason do you give others to celebrate your presence?

2) What reason do you have to celebrate someone's presence?

I returned earlier this afternoon from summer camp after having spent the last four days with about 200 3rd-5th grade students. It was absolutely fantastic, but I must say that I am ready to sleep in my own bed tonight.

I have attended this particular camp for four years, and it seems that each year we seem to work in a healthy morale building game of dodgeball. Each year myself and my good friend Jeremy look forward to this single evening of competition. We get a small bit (no that's not true, it's a great bit) of demented pleasure from pulverizing our competition. The evening usually starts by pairing one camp team against another until there is a winner and then the teams are mixed up a little. It might be 3rd & 4th grade vs. 5th grade, boys vs. girls, or the winning camp team vs. everyone else. But what we long to hear the game moderator say is, "it's time for kids vs. counselors." Jeremy and I give each other a look as if we have just been asked to play in the Olympics. Suddenly it is time to show our stuff and put the "smack down" on these "smack talkin" kids. It usually ends badly for the kids and we are accused of being a little rough by some of the female counselors.

So... We showed up for camp again this year and as soon as I saw Jeremy we began discussing whether or not dodgeball would be on the menu again this year. Much to our delight when they gave the instructions for the evening, we indeed would be mixing it up on the dodgeball court. Things flowed a little differently this year. We began the action with a boys vs. girls game and then the moderator asked the students how they would like the teams paired. Almost in unison the majority of the students began shouting "kids vs. counselors, kids vs. counselors!" Ahhh... It was music to my ears.

On the other side of our evening competition I could not quit thinking about the eagerness of these young ones to square off against their adult chaperones. As I reflected on the moment the question was asked, it was the boys that were most eager to try and dish out some embarrassment for the counselors. And then as I always do, I asked, "Why?"

Here are my thought on why I believe these children, in particularly the boys, were so passionate about a kids vs. counselors match.

1) Boys love the spirit of competition. These boys wanted nothing more or less than to beat the socks off the adults. Losing was not an option. They began letting us know immediately that they intended to win. Which makes me wonder why we organize games in such a way that there are no winners and losers? For most boys, this eliminates any reason for competing.

2) Boys are conquerors. It wasn't enough that they just wanted to win. This group chose a team that they knew they were not supposed to beat. It was great that these boys had just beaten the girls in the boys vs. girls match and solidified for themselves that they were physically superior to the their female counterparts, but now they wanted something more. There was another group on the horizon that challenged their superiority and it was time to settle this matter.
How many times have you told the boy in your home, "you are not able to do that" or "you are not old enough for that?" Only to be met with "oh yes I am, just let me try" or "give me a chance and I'll show you." Boys were created by God to push the boundaries, to dream the impossible, and to do what others say cannot be done. So I suspect that next year some of these same boys will be looking to redeem themselves from this years loss and anticipate an opportunity to take what is rightfully theirs. Victory.

3) All kids are looking to earn the respect of the adults in their lives, especially boys, and what better way for a young one to earn the respect of the elders than to challenge them and beat them? Today I am a little more sensitive to the other ways in which my son and daughter are looking to earn my respect. I pray that I am wise enough to recognize those moments.

I am looking forward to two more weeks of camps. I anticipate God has more to teach me. Stay tuned to see what's next.

Here is an article that I read today about marriage. Ladies please don't send me nasty e-mails. I know it is written for women about men. I assure you that there will be information for the men to come.

I hope all that read this, whether you are married or contemplating marriage, will pursue educating yourself about your mate for as long as you both shall live. After 10 years of marriage, I am reminded sometimes that I still don't know my wife as well as I should.

So men, if you are reading this and saying, "True dat!" I want you to realize that there are some things that your wife wants you to know as well. You can surf the FamilyLife site for a lot of relevant material. Also, Focus on the Family @ http://focusonthefamily.com/ is an excellent resource for your marriage.


http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nlnet/content.aspx?c=dnJHKLNnFoG&b=5266225&ct=4639163&utm_campaign=CON-090706-TFR&utm_source=CON&utm_medium=email